Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
