and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
