I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
