Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
