direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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