the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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