How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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