it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
