Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
