I think I died a long time ago.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't notice because vodka
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
