I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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