Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
