he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
id be glad to
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
