New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
