Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
