Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
