saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
