You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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