we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
