so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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