you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
