The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
