My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
