So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
