A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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