Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
