Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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