He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
