Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize