Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
