she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
