its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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