The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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