so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
