Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
