I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
