i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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