I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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