If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
its liver damage thursday
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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