Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
