I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
