I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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