I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
