Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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