Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think a kid would responsible me up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
