Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize