I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
