oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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