I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
