She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
