Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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