Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
