i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
