Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
