): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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