This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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