Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
