I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
In America we eat man semen.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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