I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
