Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
