Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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