Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
