Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
