I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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