If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize