I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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