Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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