Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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