I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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