I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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