had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
