You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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