We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
