4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
