Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
