I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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