We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
